Monocled Alchemist

Happy (and not so happy) talk with Rat and the Captain. by Valac Van Der Veene

Article published in Sounds, 19th June, 1982

The Damned | The Damned Don’t Cry | I SUPPOSE it’s possible that somewhere in this world there’s an even more disorganised band than the Damned. But somehow, I doubt it!

The lads have cultivated the art of confusion to Olympian status. This story started seven months ago when an enigmatic note had commanded ‘Contact Rat’s dad’. This proved impossible — and anyway, it’s hard to imagine Rat having a dad!

And shortly after that fiasco, a wobbling PA stack all but demolished your faithful scribe as it demonstrated the meaning of gravity during one of the band’s low-key Claringdon gigs! I lived to tell the tale — which is more than could be said about those unfortunate speakers.

The Damned signed to Bronze Records, and getting to talk to the band became a Sounds red alert priority. Then Dave Vanian ‘disappeared’ from Rockfield Studios where their next single was being recorded. Shortly after, bassist Paul Grey dematerialised over the Welsh hills — leaving Rat and the Captain somewhere in London.

The Damned | The Damned Don’t Cry

An over-emotional Bronze spokesperson admitted that getting the whole outfit together at any one time was a nature-defying miracle which would make raising the Titanic seem a doddle.

Three cancellations and two relocations later, I’m wading through a muggy, chicken soup atmosphere towards an obscure address buried in the leafy drives of downtown Chiswick — the home of the Rat no less — who isn’t there! Which leaves me frying in a phonebox, contemplating the meaning of life and pondering on abstractions such as ‘Why can’t insects hop?’

The law of averages eventually works in my favour. I end up in Rat’s flat dripping sweat and questions, and huggin’ his hound. Eventually the Captain arrives in familiar beret and ‘granny’ shades, bounding through the apartment leaving an insane grin hanging in mid-air like some demented Cheshire cat.

Psychedelics

I remark that from some angles he resembles a youthful Peter Cook. He doesn’t hit me.

His first words are, “Christ, you’ve been hard to get hold of . . . ” To which there is no reply!

PLAYING IN the background, a Hendrix-inspired tape wails its way to another climax. The sound oozes late ’60s bravura, leaning heavily on the psychedelics of feedback and general guitar heroism.

It’s Rat’s occasional pick-up band — Foxes And Rats — with the chief rodent himself wielding an axe. And it’s not at all bad!

“Due for a hippy revival this summer,” observes a recently arrived Rat. “But it won’t be the same as the original lot. For one thing, they ain’t got the right drugs yer know these days! It’s all smoking dried banana skins and posing. Kids are more regimented and fashion conscious now. Real hippies just wore anything they could get their hands on, and made it look good without really trying. I get the feeling they were more creative about everything then.

The Damned | The Damned Don’t Cry

“Just look at the Psychedelic Revival bands around now, like the poncey Barracudas. They’re just playing very standard pop-orientated music and justifying their image by shoving in an odd line in the lyric like ‘I’m a lump of wood, please suck me dry!’ —wow, meaningful!” Rat shakes his head in measured disgust.

“Everything’s drenched in bloody keyboards these days. Were right back to the over-produced indulgence of the mid ’70s,” snarls Captain. “That’s one thing we’re gonna wipe out on our next album-NO KEYBOARDS! Synthesisers are quite unnecessary really — they’re for people without imagination! You just push a combination of buttons and a reasonable racket comes out — no effort.

“People’ve stopped thinking about what they can do with the sounds they’ve already got. Synths don’t leave room for natural experimentation, or any emotion in the music.

Ultravox

“You’re not listening to music today. You’re hearing production ideas. The records are put together like one of those paint by numbers’ kits. Ultravox are probably the only mob with a few redeeming features around at the moment —and even they don’t redeem me much!”

“Ultravox actually take the trouble to experiment with synthetic sound, and not just use synths in place of other instruments for the sake of it.

“You can really imagine how these w***ers work, sittin’ around saying ‘We’ve gotta be a bit more commercial on our next album’ — then, ZING! A little light flashes over one of their ‘eads —he’s had an inspiration —’Phone Martin Rushent’. Gorrrr (choke, fume and other rodent noises) we should send the Anti-Nowhere League in and sort ’em out! Producers being heroes — IT’S A DISGRACE!”

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OUR COLOURFUL duo fill the air, and my tape, with a choice selection of invective and expletive. I judge that now is not the right time to enquire about drum machines et al. I know I should have put out a decent argument to save the synth, but my heart wasn’t in it. Anyway, of late, the little bleating pests have been getting on my nerves as well. Is this the start of the synth backlash? OK, so call us Luddites. At this rate you’ll be getting a Top Twenty Chart of Computer Programmes next!

Flying by the seat of its pants, the next Damned single comes out in a couple of weeks, and the music seems as strong as the opinions being expressed. Mean while, the Captain has a solo

Happy Talk

offering out on the same date (June 18) which is tipped by people who know as being a possible chart-ticker! It’s a version of a song from the soundtrack of the old movie South Pacific called ‘Happy Talk’ (would you believe).

Was this a conflict of interests — or even signs of, dare I say, a split?

“Captain takes his solo stuff very seriously and I think that’s how it should be. The Damned operate in a very tight musical format, so it’s nice to be able to play things which are perhaps a bit self-indulgent sometimes. It’s frustrating being a musician and just sticking to one thing.

“I mean, the Capt’s playing really sweet, happy little songs, which we’d never do with the Damned — and good luck to ‘im! Giving ourselves the freedom to do our own things can only be healthy for the group.”

Certainly these projects helped save the band during a major crisis last year. A crisis caused by record company cock-ups, according to Rat. The story has a familiar ring to it . . .

The Damned | The Damned Don’t Cry

“We spent a year from Christmas to Christmas without a record out. We did hardly anything live. Certain companies wouldn’t let us tour or release anything. It was down to doing the occasional dodgy gig just to get enough money to pay the rent.

“That was definitely the worst year we’ve ever had as a group. At least it gave us the chance to write stuff individually and that stopped us going spare . . . ”

What happens if the solo stuff turns out to be more successful than your records with the Damned?

“Doesn’t matter a toss, guv’nor,” says the Captain. “This band will roll on forever because the people in it find each other so irresistible! Seriously, after six years of this, a relationship develops which is like being workmates in the same factory.”

“Anyway, what else is this man gonna do with all his songs? It’d be a complete waste if they were never released,” says Rat in an almost brotherly way.

For the record, even this relationship has been strained because of the events of the last months. The band don’t mix much socially and the punch-up stories are true . . .

“Sure, I know I’ve done some really vile things in my life, hitting people and that. It happened and there ain’t much to be done about it now . . . ” Rat admits.

So what’s the new deal with Bronze going to mean for the Damned?

The Damned | The Damned Don’t Cry

“If we don’t blow it by being stupid, it’ll be the first time we’ve ever had a company that’s in tune with what we’re doing behind us. This lot sound as if they’ll actually do what they say they’re going to do . . . even arrange things for us, give us money, and act like a record company! Imagine that!

“We waited for the right deal to come along, even though that wait put the future of the band in jeopardy. We didn’t want a deal which could alter the band, or force us in a direction away from our old fans.”

AT THIS point, the need for some, er, light refreshment became apparent. I’d just launched into another thrusting, dynamic question about the Damned’s future sound — and it drew a severe admonition from the wretched Rat . . .

“How the hell can I answer that? I’m not an effin’ fortune teller am I? Look, the real answer is . . . YOU SHOULD GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND LEAD US TO THE NEAREST BAR!”

A scathing Scabies alright! Although it’s not generally known, I’m not averse to the odd tincture myself, so it was but a moment before we resumed the quest for truth and the nature of the universe, with the aid of grape and grain . . .

“Probably the reason for the Damned’s lack of Adam Ant-like enormous success is we don’t follow trends, we won’t be part of a fashion show, we demand the right to do exactly what we like — and we won’t be forced into decisions just ’cause someone else thinks something is a good idea.

The Damned | The Damned Don’t Cry

“Jimmy Page wanted to produce us recently. His name alone would’ve sold piles of records, but it just wouldn’t have been right somehow. Of course we manage ourselves, you get the satisfaction of ripping yourself off that way!”

And the Damned’s anarchic antics, often pursued with reckless if not downright dangerous abandon, are enough of a legend by now not to need repeating.

Nothing’s really changed on this front, but a more serious side to the band is starting to show. I wouldn’t have expected to see the Captain talking with Tony Benn at a CND rally for instance . . .

“I’ve got a new theory on life. If you look at the effect of what happens rather than just what’s going on at the time as it occurs — like the Falklands, social problems and so on — you get a lot nearer the truth. Six months ago, the Conservatives didn’t have a hope in hell of being voted back. Now look at the polls, and think about the Falklands from the viewpoint of the next election . . .

“It’s funny that when things were getting really bad last summer with riots and three million unemployed, the price of heroin just went right down. Suddenly, you could get it anywhere. It sounds far-fetched, but how do you like the idea that there’s a Government source behind smack — for research purposes only of course!”

“If you quote me on that, I must say heroin is an absolute disgrace. IT IS A FILTHY, NASTY DRUG and it’s wasted too many lives. Any fool can hide in a drug-world and pretend the bad things in the real world aren’t really happening. RUBBISH! Be a bull in a china-shop! Face the problems, hit them head-on, try and do something about them.

“I’m trying in my own little way. There is a message in what we’re doing. Like, let’s abolish the word HATE, and let’s CARE a bit more. Things I read upset me, and I don’t want to get too political about this . . . but 97 kids died last year because there just wasn’t the money from the NHS to give them bone-marrow transplants. Plenty of money for arms and aggression though. The world’s got its priorities wrong.”

The Damned | The Damned Don’t Cry

The Damned haven’t exactly been noted for such strong sentiments in the past, surely?

“Those ideas have been in the lyrics, and we’re talked about them in interviews . . . that’s always the bit to be cut out and not printed. ‘Bring on the clowns. Let’s all have a laugh with this wild, wacky band,’ its what your papers seem to want. That’s one reason, but a few years back, everyone knew politics was screwing up and we couldn’t say any more about it without shoving our own political views down the audience’s throats. It didn’t seem quite so important then. Now things have got so much worse, politics are affecting everyone, and no-one can afford to stand on the side-lines.”

THE DAMNED manifesto according to the Captain is utopian, idealist and probably impossible to achieve. We discuss alternative energy sources such as the proposed Severn barrier to generate electricity; nukes in any shape —bombs and power stations — are out of the scheme of things. Giving more care to ill and old people is in, and so are job creation projects.

The Damned | The Damned Don’t Cry

All very positive because these guys have at least identified the problems even if the solutions are still in the planning stage.

“To an extent we regret our image because it’s become a hindrance. People aren’t nearly so ready to accept what we’ve got to say as being serious. I’m not joking if I mention another of my worries . . . credit cards are taking over from cash, and perhaps in 20 years time we won’t be using money.

“That’ll mean you’ll be paying for everything via a computer terminal —and then it’s just a step away from being able to monitor everyone’s movements the whole time. Just think, everything you bought would tell them every detail of your life. That’s far-fetched is it? It’s not so far away.”

It sounds very paranoid, I reply.

“It’s not paranoid. It’s the truth, guy. Right now, I’m on a police file as a subversive because I played to a CND rally. That’s a fact.”

Perhaps not so paranoid. There’s a rumour that the Passport Office is refusing to issue passports to people between the age of 18 and 25. Rat is convinced conscription’s just around the corner. Serious stuff indeed, but it doesn’t stop Captain leaving to do a bollock-naked photo session in his usual loony style.

And it all left me wondering which of the two sides of the Damned I’d seen today I’d liked better.