Monocled Alchemist

Published in Sounds, 30th October 1982

This month’s punk singles were once again reviewed by Garry Bushell but the title changed to “Street Explosion”.

THE PROLOGUE: most of today’s punk sucks a ginormous one, but I reckon it’s better for me to be around to fan the rare worthwhile spark than to storm about the office mourning its decline.

Punk in one form or another is gonna be around with or without Your Humble Narrator, but while I’m here I’m gonna make sure intelligent independent voices like Beki, Steve Drewett, Blitz, Jello, Mensi, Colin Gerwood and so on are easily heard.

Just as there’s more to punk than wearing ‘the uniform’ (a real punk would have ditched the Sun clobber guide yonks back), so there’s much more to punk music than aping Crass’s garbled phoney (pony) ‘radicalism’ or becoming a souped up Heavy Metal sub-genre . . .

Not that there’s not a place for that, but what we should really be striving for is music that sets the charts alight with energy and/or angel and innovation again. Maybe the next chart energy wave won’t even come from this area, we’ve just gotta keep searching . . .

CHART CERTS

THE ADICTS: ‘Chinese Takeaway’ (Razor) While Siouxsie Sioux throws up the remains of a dodgy chop suey outside, oriental guitar rings out of her old ‘Hong Kong Garden’ chinkie and this boisterous bunch of laughing louts bowl in with a rowdy slice of effervescent punk-pop.

A simple but contagious rising guitar phrase leads into the insanely catchy verse before grinning gourmet Monkey cements the song’s impending hit status with a rousing chorus of ‘Hey! Hey! I wanna Chinese takeaway/Hey! Hey! Wo-wo-wo . . .’

Can’t say I ever felt that strongly about the old chow mein meself. Mind you I’d murder for a hot onion bhaji .

Total Chaos | Punk 45s Reviewed by Garry Bushell

SPLODGE: ‘Mouth And Trousers’ (Razor) This ain’t nepotism, just about everyone in the Sounds bunker loves this chirpy crock of old cobblers. The Chas Smash rivvum and big fat circus horns coupled to the memorable hook would have made this a good bet for the Top Thirty anyway, but the cunning recruitment of Bonehead Blackburn’s Arnold The Dog for some tactical barking makes blanket daytime radio an odds-on certainty.

Like me old mate Buster Bloodvessel, Maxwell is a natural, and with the likes of him in the charts we need have no fears for the sanity of today’s pop kids . . .

SHAM 69: ‘Angels With Dirty Faces’ (Polydor 12″) Ah, nostalgia ain’t wot it used to be, and I’m not one to revel in it, me old muckers, but they don’t make records like this any more.

Four classic chart hits from the golden days of Percy Street or whatever his name was: ‘Angels’ roped in Jimmy Cagney for a touch of old ‘hooligans with hearts of gold’ malarky, ‘Borstal Breakout’ was Sham’s fiercest and finest moment, ‘Hurry Up Harry’ defined the pissed perimeters for the only now emergent Herbert movement, while ‘If The Kids Are United’ did the same for Oi.

That the kids weren’t united had a lot to do with Jimbo sticking in the middle of the road and so getting knocked down quite a lot. Remember kids, if it ain’t socialist it ain’t worth a suck. Ask Linda Lovelace . . .

FIT TO BUY

THE URBAN DOGS: ‘The New Barbarians’ (Abstract) Glorious stuff, a terminally tearaway tincture from Chas ‘n’ Knox ‘n’ co that sounds unholily like a madcap mix of Sham and the Noo Yoik Dolls. A drunken guitar is joined by rolling drums to surge into a determined yell of ‘WE ARE THE NOQ BARBARIANS’ and then it’ loud, raucous and joyous dustbin rock ‘n’ roll all the way .

ABRASIVE WHEELS: ‘Burn ‘Em Down’ (Riot City) . . . But when it comes to pure punk for row people you won’t find anything better than this massively powerful gut anthem that blitzes along like a souped up T34, pausing only for the odd hyper-punchy Big Chant section.

My only moan concern’s the lyrics like ‘The kids don’t care about books or rules/All they warn do is burn the schools’, which to these ears are criminal sentiments.

Sure, the British education system is rotten to the core, but burning books ain’t the way to change it. The world would be a bloody sight worse without the fine paperback pages of Tom Sharpe, GF Newman, Tony Parsons, Ray Chandler, Nik Cohn, and (even) Gal Johnson to liven it up.

Total Chaos | Punk 45s Reviewed by Garry Bushell

THE SKEPTIX: ‘Routine Machine’ (Neon) Silverwing’s pals from Staffordshire come up trumps with this raging metal punk meisterwerk. Live review soon, Mr Roberts???

CHELSEA: ‘Stand Out’ (Step Forward) ‘Wo-oh-oh-oh-oh’ . . . Handy Harry at the controls for another strong cut from the strange Mr October and chums. Not as instant as ‘War Across The Nation’ but ultimately the sort of sinewy and stirring epical pop-punk we’ve come to expect of the chaps of late.

The rather wonderful guitar solo would have done prime time Mick Jones proud, but it’s well out of order finding ‘Last Drink’ on the B-side. Daylight bloody robbery, John, and the sort of thing that has made Step Forward the company they are today.

THE 4-SKINS: ‘Low Life’ (Secret) Micky Geggus ensures Hoxton’s Heroes get their best vinyl sound for over a year for this snarling resurrection shuffle. Pounding drums are joined by sheets of hard guitar and Panther’s tuff vocals lead into the heavy mantra of the chorus.

B-side ‘Bread Or Blood’ is faster and more urgent. but just as terrace conscious. Full marks for the Skins for pulling through at last. Whether they’ll ever get over the stigma of the ‘Southall Stitch-Up’ is another matter but I’ll tell you this, there’s a lot of dodgy bands about at the moment and the 4-Skins AREN’T one of them.

FIT TO HEAR

THE INSANE: ‘Why Die’ (Insane) “Why Not?” reply EXIT, but there you go. This actually starts really well with war-like sounds and a fine punchy and snarling guitar, generally reminiscent of Hawkwind of yore (I kid ye not) but for me it’s all spoilt by plunging head first into a reckless thrash halfway through.

THE ENEMY: ‘Punk’s Alive’ (Fall Out) Oh really? This sounds good till you suss that it’s ‘Safe European Home’ with different (and far less inspiring) words.

Total Chaos | Punk 45s Reviewed by Garry Bushell

SKREWDRIVER: ‘Back With A Bang’ (Boots Et Braces) I’m still not convinced about this lot after their fascist faux-pas of yore. Ian Stuart’s claims to be apolitical tend to vary depending on the time of day and, more precisely, how many pints he’s had.

But, that said, this is a pretty strong come-back (much better than their wimpy new version of ‘Anti-Social’). It’s more poppy rock’n’roll than wild untamed terrace-punk, made dirtier by Ian’s great growled vocals which sound positively Slade-ish on the chorus. More guitar and they’d have been well away.

PRESSURE: ‘You Talk . We Talk’ (Anagram) A remarkably fine, intelligent debut in a ‘post-punk’ (remember that?) driving pop vein. This is too reminiscent of PiL’s ‘Public Image’ for its own good, but the splashes of U2 indicate less esoteric possibilities for future development. A band to watch methinks, me hearties.

Total Chaos | Punk 45s Reviewed by Garry Bushell

UK SUBS: ‘Self-Destruct’ (Abstract) Not a patch on the Urban Dogs — what could Charlie be up to? Still, it’s pretty solid stuff with plenty of oomph and some neat Garrett touches, but it’s spoiled by being more than a touch too much like Girlschool’s ‘Emergency’. And face it chaps, Chas ain’t no Kelly is he?

TERMINATE

CRASS: ‘How Does It Feel To Be The Mother Of A Thousand Dead’ (Crass) Never ones to miss out on a publicity stunt, Crass slog away with their new anti-Falklands bullshit broadcast. More to the point is the question how would it feel to be sitting in your commune watching other parts of the world get overrun by fascists, Penny?

While Mensi said kick the fascists out but blame Thatcher for the mess, Crass would have shaken their worry beads at Galtieri and tried to convert him into a vegetarian. Given a choice between pacifism or the POUM, I’d go with Orwell any day . . .